robyn millarReview Of The Covenant
October 29th 2006 03:50
The Covenant (2006)
Directed: Renny Harlin
Written: J.S. Cardone
Steven Strait, Laura Ramsey, Sebastian Stan, Taylor Kitsch
A Conveniently Good-looking Covenant of Silence
There are good movies; there are bad movies; and then there are movies which are so bad, so plotless, so completely and utterly brainless that they border on hysterical. The Covenant (2006) is most definitely in the later category.
With its highly predictable and clichéd storyline, its bad acting, its numerous gratuitous scenes of partial nudity (male and female, at least it wasn’t biased) and fight scenes designed to remind us of how badly special effects can be abused, the end result can only truly be appreciated with a group of close friends making sarcastic comments and (hopefully) a liberal lubrication of alcohol. And while in this column I have been known to criticise the typical “cookie-cutter hit” that Hollywood so delights in producing, I have to say that going to this film with the combination of good friends, a late night and cartloads of sugar was actually quite an enjoyable experience.
Following the exploits of the four mystical “Sons of Ipswich” as they struggle with the aging effects of their magical powers and the troubles of puberty (which for some reason never seem to involve acne), the movie consists of an obvious plot, some extremely attractive but wooden actors posing shamelessly, and dialogue so hackneyed it should have a coach attached.
There are no highlights to this movie. There are no standout performances. It is pure unadulterated eye candy and your enjoyment of it is entirely dependent on the wits of the people you see it with.
4/10
Directed: Renny Harlin
Written: J.S. Cardone
Steven Strait, Laura Ramsey, Sebastian Stan, Taylor Kitsch
A Conveniently Good-looking Covenant of Silence
There are good movies; there are bad movies; and then there are movies which are so bad, so plotless, so completely and utterly brainless that they border on hysterical. The Covenant (2006) is most definitely in the later category.
With its highly predictable and clichéd storyline, its bad acting, its numerous gratuitous scenes of partial nudity (male and female, at least it wasn’t biased) and fight scenes designed to remind us of how badly special effects can be abused, the end result can only truly be appreciated with a group of close friends making sarcastic comments and (hopefully) a liberal lubrication of alcohol. And while in this column I have been known to criticise the typical “cookie-cutter hit” that Hollywood so delights in producing, I have to say that going to this film with the combination of good friends, a late night and cartloads of sugar was actually quite an enjoyable experience.
Following the exploits of the four mystical “Sons of Ipswich” as they struggle with the aging effects of their magical powers and the troubles of puberty (which for some reason never seem to involve acne), the movie consists of an obvious plot, some extremely attractive but wooden actors posing shamelessly, and dialogue so hackneyed it should have a coach attached.
There are no highlights to this movie. There are no standout performances. It is pure unadulterated eye candy and your enjoyment of it is entirely dependent on the wits of the people you see it with.
4/10
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